School Safety Compromise Reached
Senate negotiators agree to fund armed drag queens for school safety
Satire. Mostly.
WASHINGTON, DC (Against the Grain News Service) - June 17, 2022
By Kelly D. Johnston
US Senators reportedly overcame a major stumbling block to legislation addressing gun safety by agreeing to $45 billion to fund armed drag queens to protect schools.
US Senator John Cornyn, the GOP’s lead negotiator, said they overcame strong Democratic and teacher union opposition to arming teachers and placing more police at schools by agreeing to a major progressive objective - introducing more drag queens in schools.
Cornyn and lead Democratic negotiator, US Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT), refused to disclose which Senator proposed the idea. But one anonymous source attributes the breakthrough to Michigan’s Democratic Attorney General, Dana Nessel. Speaking to a civil rights summit last Wednesday, she said, “{You} know what is not a problem for kids who are seeking a good education? Drag queens. Drag queens are entertainment.
“And you know what I'll say that was totally not poll-tested, I'd say this: ‘A drag queen for every school.’”
Cornyn said the compromise includes mental health screening and four weeks of firearms training. “The mental health screening will be interesting, and we will need to figure out the perimeters for that and who conducts it,” Cornyn admitted, but Republicans insisted on the provision. Democrats also demanded that no funds be used for training sponsored or conducted by the National Rifle Association or other gun rights groups.
“Successful negotiations are the art of the compromise,” Cornyn said. “And this was artful, to say the least.” Cornyn said that none of the funds could be used for other purposes, such as funding “drag queen story hours.”
But not all drag queens embrace the compromise.
Nick Large, spokesman for a California bay area group called “Drag Queens Against Guns,” said the compromise is “just awful.”
“There’s no way we will agree to march around with guns in schools. We’d rather read books and introduce them to other colorful and inclusive attributes of our diverse and fluid culture,” Large said.
Cornyn also said compromises over the so-called “boyfriend loophole” for any “red flag” laws remain elusive.
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