Political Fundraisers Panic Over Potential Trump Indictment
The National Association of Political Fundraisers raise the alarm over Trump's fundraising appeals after the 2020 election. Satire alert.
Note: Our NSA source captured audio of an emergency call of the largely-inactive National Association of Political Fundraisers this past week. It involved special prosecutor Jack Smith’s apparent plans to indict former President Donald Trump for allegedly false claims made in fundraising appeals after the 2020 election. Satire alert.
An Oklahoma-based political fundraising consultant (her real name withheld) called her organization's emergency “Zoom” meeting to order. The National Association of Political Fundraisers gave up its website and hasn’t filed an IRS form 990 for a while. However, it found new life courtesy of Special Counsel Jack Smith’s “Target Letter” to former President Trump related to January 6th, 2021 - “J6.” From the Washington Post:
Federal prosecutors probing the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol have in recent weeks sought a wide range of documents related to fundraising after the 2020 election, looking to determine if former president Donald Trump or his advisers scammed donors by using false claims about voter fraud to raise money, eight people familiar with the new inquiries said.
The story sent political fundraisers across the United States into a panic. “Imagine us being liable for things our candidates say in fundraising appears we craft and distribute on their behalf,” the group’s president said. “My God! Our days of mentioning matching contributions or our incumbents being the number one target of the Other Party are done!”
Gasps are heard on the Zoom call.
“Imagine. . . IMAGINE . . . our clients being held ACCOUNTABLE for our WORDS! Everyone knows we’re about motivating people to give, instigating emotions, tapping into wellsprings of patriotism!
And WE COULD GO TO JAIL for that! What do they think we are, accountants? Lawyers? Pastors? Dr. Fauci?
More gasps are heard amidst an occasional chuckle.
“In case you don’t take me seriously,” the organization’s leader deadpanned, “let me read this paragraph from that Washington Post story. I’ll send it around so you can read it YOURSELF.
The fundraising prong of the investigation is focused on money raised during the period between Nov. 3, 2020, and the end of Trump’s time in office on Jan. 20, 2o21, and prosecutors are said to be interested in whether anyone associated with the fundraising operation violated wire fraud laws, which make it illegal to make false representations over email to swindle people out of money.
“Wire fraud. . . swindle people out of money,” she slowly repeated. “I can hear the knock at the door now. So should you!”
“I dunno,” a deep, gravelly drawl is heard from the Zoom call, as the group’s leader tries to identify the source on her computer screen. “I’m a Democratic fundraiser,” he says. “They’re never coming after me. I’m raising money for Joe Biden.”
Silence, as the call’s leader sees a few heads nodding on her screen.
“Easy to say that now,” the Oklahoma fundraiser warns, wagging her finger at the screen. “No doubt Democrats are getting preferential treatment from the Department of Justice. But Democrats may not always be running the show.
“This is about using wire fraud laws in political fundraising appeals that make us and our candidates and political causes all vulnerable to prosecution,” she added. “If you’re extolling the wonders of ‘Bidenomics,’ which seems to be the talking point du jour from this White House, are you sure you won’t be challenged? After all, the average American family is taking a real hit on their savings and daily expenses, especially for food.
“Imagine having lawyers vet our work,” the Ada, Oklahoma-based fundraising consultant added. “Can you tell how boring our fundraising appeals would read?
“Imagine having to forgo favorite phrases and terms that catch everyone's attention. Imagine giving up one of our most effective pitches for small dollars, those promises of “matching funds.” Now, we know that such devices can be and probably are illegal since there are strict limits on what donors can give to a campaign. Big donors, who are already maxed out, ain’t going to break the law.
“We get that. Or, how about those addresses we use on texts and emails that a fundraising pitch is from a candidate’s cell phone? We know that isn’t the case, but personalization makes people open their wallets!”
Sensing she needed a break, the organization’s general counsel decides to administer some levity but winds up adding more heat.
“Hi, everyone,” a pleasant young man, his dark gelled hair combed back reminiscent of California Gov. Gavin Newson, jumps in. He is nattily attired in a starched, button-down blue oxford shirt with a blue blazer festooned with Brooks Brothers gold buttons, “but I’m the guy you don’t want to edit your emails. I’m the General Counsel for the National Association of Political Fundraisers.
“Don’t worry,” he quickly waves to the camera, law books stacked neatly in the background along with his Widener College law degree. “I’m on your side. And to make you comfortable, I’m a graduate of the same law school Joe Biden taught as my US Senator. I took all my Constitutional law courses from him! I worked for him in the US Senate!”
Noticeable groans and laughter are heard over Zoom.
“Let me calm things down a bit, but not conflict with anything the chair said about potential litigation directed at President Trump that may or may not affect us,” he added. “First, possible litigation may not prove to be actual litigation. Let’s wait to see what the Special Counsel does.
“Second, let’s be mindful that the Special Prosecutor’s record on such matters is not exactly stellar,” the young lawyer opined. “Remember that he prosecuted then GOP Gov. Robert McDonnell of Virginia under a novel theory that anything of value was considered not just a contribution to the candidate or official but a quid pro quo. The Supreme Court rejected that on a unanimous 9-0 opinion. I’m surprised the court didn’t sanction Smith for that, but here we are.
“Third, there are what I call ‘fundraising tactics’ that we should be mindful of should our worst fears of this indictment come true. For example, all of you probably push ‘membership cards’ in exchange for certain contributions. You and I know those memberships are invented and convey nothing of value or meaning,” he added.
Groans are heard over the Zoom call as several depart the meeting.
“Here me out. We must make certain follow-up steps to ensure such ‘memberships’ can be confirmed. You know, that donors are joining something. It’s not hard. That’s why guys like me are around, to help you navigate those shark-infested waters,” the lawyer added, unmindful of the irony.
The chair from Oklahoma resumes control over the Zoom meeting. “Thank you, Counsel, for that illumination, but I have a question. Would he advise us to consider filing an amicus - a friend of the court brief in opposition to the indictment?”
The lawyer didn’t hesitate. “I would caution against that. Your amicus brief would support any motion by President Trump to dismiss the indictment against him. Do you want to align this organization with Donald Trump?” the lawyer asks.
“MAYBE!” one woman is heard yelling over the Zoom call. “Why not?” asks another.
The young lawyer holds his right hand up to the camera. “Wait, before we go there, I suggest we wait. Do we want to draw attention to ourselves? Do you really want to attract Washington Post and New York Times stories over fundraising activities and tactics? Filing an amicus or even issuing a press release would invite precisely that.
Silence.
“I appreciate the counsel’s wise advice,” the chair exclaimed. “I recommend we defer any action until we see what this special counsel actually does. And even then, I’m not sure. Thoughts?”
“I move we adjourn this meeting and let the reschedule once we have some actionable intelligence,” a Texas fundraiser drawled. “I am not in favor of drawing attention to this industry’s fundraising appeals, especially right now, when we’re all pestering the hell out of people to cough up money.”
“Seconded!” a New York woman yells.
“Anyone object?” The chair asks.
Silence.
“We’re done, but stay tuned. We are likely to do this again. Meanwhile, be careful, y’all. Lawyers and prosecutors are watching. Happy hunting.”
Zoom call ends.
Against the Grain is the title of Julian Simon's autobiography.