Philly's I-95 Bridge Collapse Meets Pete Buttigieg
Our NSA source provides details of a phone call between Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro and US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg. Satire alert.
Satire alert.
Ring. Ring.
It’s Sunday afternoon, a rare day in the office for Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro (D-PA) and many of his aides, but it’s also his first genuine crisis as governor. His executive assistant picks up the phone outside the office but within eyeshot of the intense and ambitious first-year Democratic chief executive.
Just moments earlier, two senior aides walked into the Governor’s office with an emergency declaration for a bridge collapse near one of the busiest interchanges on Interstate 95 in north Philadelphia, a major artery for commuters from tony Bucks County and beyond.
Shapiro quickly scans the document and begins to sign it when he hears his assistant yell from the anteroom, “Secretary Buttigieg is on line one.”
Shapiro finishes signing the declaration and smartly hands it to his Secretary of Transportation, Mike Carroll, who departs with a quick “thank you” and nods. The declaration will allow the state to access federal funds and cut through red tape to rebuild the collapsed portion of the largely elevated highway that teems from Pennsylvania’s Delaware County north to Trenton, New Jersey, and beyond, connecting eventually with the New Jersey Turnpike.
Shapiro, a former attorney general, state legislator, and county official from nearby Montgomery County, quickly reminisced when some, more than five decades ago, called for I-95 to be constructed as a tunnel through most of downtown Philadelphia. Instead, due to high costs, federal and local officials settled on a largely elevated freeway that divided a portion of the city that bordered the Delaware River with downtown and adjacent neighborhoods.
“Secretary Buttigieg, line one?” the assistant quickly reminds the Governor.
“Oh, yeah,” Shapiro mutters, breaking out of his thoughts. He reaches for his large landline phone and punches line one. “Mr. Secretary, I’m glad you called; sorry to make you wait,” Shapiro said. “I just signed an emergency declaration over our I-95 bridge collapse. We’re ready to get to work to fix it.”
“Well, Governor, I hope you’re doing well on this fine Sunday afternoon in the middle of Pride Month,” Buttigieg responds. I’m actually at home today watching my favorite baseball team, the Toronto Blue Jays. Still, let's talk sooner than later about that horrible bridge collapse in Philly—such a shame, but also an opportunity.”
Shapiro arches an eyebrow in puzzlement at the Secretary’s last four words. “Thanks, Mr. Secretary; this may be the most heavily trafficked section of highway anywhere in the Commonwealth. I’m eager to get it fixed,” Shapiro said. “I’m thinking days, maybe weeks, not months. I want to do better than California did after the Northridge Earthquake in 1994 when it took them five months to reopen Interstate 5, a month ahead of schedule,” Shapiro intoned. “This is a much smaller project. And, dammit, Ron DeSantis was able to reopen the Pine Island bridge after a hurricane three days after construction began! I don’t expect to match that, but I will try.”
“Well,” Buttigieg drawls slowly, “we have some important priorities to sort out before construction can begin.”
“Yes,” Shapiro barks. “I know the National Transportation Safety Board is already here to investigate, and I get that, even though there are no surprises. My Commonwealth’s Transportation Secretary is already drawing up bids and contacting companies we know can do the job,” Shapiro asserts. “All good union employers with great workforces. No issues, I promise.”
“Well,” Buttigieg drawls again in a sing-songy tone, “our office of diversity and inclusion will have a couple of staff arriving tomorrow in Harrisburg to help ensure certain priorities are met. Are you familiar with our Reconnecting Communities program?” Buttigieg asks.
“Yes, I’ve heard of it,” Shapiro responds. “But that’s for helping reconnect cities and neighborhoods racially segregated or divided by road projects,” Shapiro responded. “We’re talking about emergency repair here, not redirecting a major interstate.”
“Well,” Buttigieg responds, again drawing out the word in what seems like multiple syllables, “there’s more to it than that. My D and I people will need to check the demographics of the companies that Secretary Carroll is talking to. We need to ensure minority ownership at some level and a diverse workforce. I’m sure you understand.
“And since it’s Pride Month,” Buttigieg quickly followed up, “we are especially looking for ownership and management that reflects our brave transgender community. You know how important this is to the President. They’re under such attack right now. So much hate!”
Silence.
“I get all that for regular projects, Mr. Secretary; I’m very sensitive to the LGBTQ-plus community,” Shapiro finally responds. “But, again, we’re talking about the emergency repair for a bridge on a major artery through my state’s largest city. We will start repair as soon as the NTSB is finished, hopefully by Tuesday at the latest. We’re talking tens of thousands of commuters daily, Mr. Secretary.”
“Not so fast,” Buttigieg slowly but firmly responds. “My D and I people have to be involved in any contracting. We won’t sign off on federal funds until we accommodate vulnerable communities, including race, gender identity, and sexual preference. I’m sure you understand our priorities.”
Silence.
“Mr. Secretary, are you familiar with the demographics of road construction and repair companies?” Shapiro asks Buttigieg. “Do you know what kind of people typically do road construction work? Are you familiar with the demographics of our union blue-collar workforce in the Philadelphia area? Are you familiar with the commute that Bucks County, population 645,000 and growing, and north Philly commuters suffer through every workday, and that’s when we’re not experiencing bridge collapses? Commuting times tripled for many residents commuting to and from downtown Philly on Monday. That is unsustainable.
“Look, I’m all for Pride Month and tweeted that out last week,” Shapiro added. “But sometimes, emergencies take precedence. Exceptions have to be made. This is one.”
“Well, Governor,” Buttigieg slowly retorts, “there is never an exception to ending racial and sexual discrimination. I’m sure you understand. And we must never let an opportunity go to waste. We’ll work with you as quickly as possible, and if your construction firms need to improve or expand their ownership, management, and workforce profiles to be more inclusive, I’m sure we can help.
“And, yes, I’ve enjoyed a cheesesteak at Pat’s in south Philly. I know South Philly. It’s much like South Bend’s west side, where I was mayor. Have you ever been to one of our Dyngus Day celebrations? Be my guest one of these days! Chasten or I can teach you to Polka!”
Silence.
“And don’t forget the opportunities here to advance our climate agenda!” Buttigieg excitedly adds. “Several companies such as Case and BOMAG are working on prototypes of electric-powered construction vehicles. This is so exciting to me. We can finally move these vehicles from showrooms and demos to real-world projects. Pennsylvania can lead the way! I can bring Lia Thomas for a media event with us to operate the machines to help drive not one but two critical agendas! I’m getting excited just thinking about it! I have so many ideas! Sorry, that’s my McKinsey Group experience speaking now. Some habits are hard to break out of.”
Pause.
“We’re moving quickly,” Shapiro exclaimed. “Your people had better be ready to move quickly, too. We’re talking agility here. I need to get that Interstate reopened and fast.”
“I hear you, Governor. My team is your team, and they will be on their way after they finish wrapping up from the White House Pride event this week,” Buttigieg promised. “I’m so proud that my team was front and center for it. So much progress, yet so much more to do! I know you’re with us!
Pause.
“I didn’t see you at the White House Pride event, Governor. Did you have a conflict?”
“Yes,” Shapiro quickly responded. “I had a conflict. I tweeted instead.”
“Yes, I saw that,” Buttigieg responded. “It would have been nice if you included a photo or the Pride Flag,” Buttigieg added. “But not to worry. My team should be there in Harrisburg tomorrow. Perhaps they can help with your social media accounts as well.
“We’re from the Biden Administration and here to help,” Buttigieg quickly added. “I need to run now; Chasten needs help feeding the kids. Call me if you need anything else. Pennsylvania is important to the President and me. Bye now.”
Both hang up.
I have the same political opinions you. However, I do not see how it helps just to make things up. Not a good move.